my dreams...

below is a collection of my dreams and nightmares...
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π•₯𝕙𝕖 π•‘π•šπ•Ÿπ•œ 𝕀𝕖𝕒
August 14th 2023
WARNING: this dream entry includes a suicide mention.

I dreamt I was playing a PC game with my partner and my brother. At some point my partner got incredibly upset at my brother, and it evolved from game related upset to verbally attacking their person. I thought that my partner was being rather mean, too mean, so I decided to be mean back. I said to them something along the lines of finding rope so that they can hang from it and we should break up before they disappeared and I could no longer contact them. I don't know why I said what I said because I immediately felt awful afterwards, so I tried looking for my partner. They obviously avoided me for a long time but once I found them I apologised profusely and asked if we could be together again. They accepted, but things were reasonably off and weird... I woke up feeling awful.

Jul 30th 2023

I dreamt that I was learning korean. I mean I'm doing that IRL anyway, but in the dream I was getting really frustrated because the alphabet kept getting longer and longer full of letters that made the exact same "eo" sound and I was like why why why why why whywhwywhwy??????????????? Anyway that's it. I also somehow unlocked the secret korean tomes in my mind and remembered that 꿈 means dream so.

Jun 23rd 2023
WARNING: this dream entry includes death.

I woke up this morning begging myself to remember the dream I had but it's mostly forgotten now. Still, I'll write down what I can remember.

I was being stalked by someone, I'm not sure who. But that was just a subplot to the main plot, which was the fact that I was in some sort of special school facility. It might have been army related, or super power related, and I remember feeling out of place where I was... But safe knowing that my stalker couldn't reach me in there, and if he tried then he'd surely die anyway because I had a lot of friends there.

One of those friends was dying, though. Like from the inside out. She was on the ground surrounded by all our friends, and while everyone was panicking over her death (including me) she wasn't bothered in the slightest. She was actually laughing and joking at such a serious time, and our friends reprimanded her for it. She said something like "There's no point in being sad, it's just that time." while we all tried in vain to keep her alive.

At some point I got the vibe that she'd rather just die, and some deep part of me understood her. I stopped panicking and instead remained calm, watching her as she slowly succumbed to her illness. We never knew what was wrong with her besides the fact that she was rapdily rotting from the inside, so much so that at some point she asked us to remove her head. One of our friends did as she asked, though begrudgingly, and... POP!!, her head came off like a barbie doll. There was no blood, only black spilling from her open wound. It was weird, because even as her head was detached she managed to utter a brief "Thank you." and a smile before assumedly fully dying.

There was a debriefing after her death with my friends and the school board over what happened and what could be the cause of her death. Apparently, her head was dull of "dusk" and it caused her insides to disintegrate. She shouldn't have been still talking to the point where she was, and that through sheer willpower alone and a want to make her friends happy she continued to survive long enough to reassure us.

I woke up feeling awful, in that I thought I should have let her die quicker rather than trying to keep her awake and alive. I hope that whoever she is within my dreamscape that she can pass peacefully now. I'm sorry.
5/31/23
last nights dream was a recurring theme in my dreams, in that the setting is never really the same (except one instance) but the events are.

i was on a ship, like a cruise ship but i was working there. honestly, i don't remember my job as much as i just know i wasn't a party goer. it was late at night, the sky was dark and i remember counting some of the stars on what i assume was my break from work. i dont know where we were going, or where we left from, only that it felt right for me to be on that ship at that time. there was some kind of celebration going on, and i felt so safe and warm despite it being night at sea. i stayed sitting for a while, counting the stars and simply people watching because it felt nice to see others enjoy themselves so freely.

but then the sky started turning brighter, and i've had enough of these dreams to know exactly whats happeneing even when in these dreams. the sky brightens up, far too quickly for it to be a normal passage of time, and i know it's still night time despite daylight creeping in, and it's because the sun is slowly expanding in the night sky. everyone, including myself, turns to watch the sun take up the majority of the sky. slowly but surely, an expanding ball of yellow fills my vision until it's almost all that i can seeβ€”

and then i wake up. every time i have this dream, without fail, i wake up before the sun explodes and kills me. and i know that that's whats going to happen in these dreams, and i have the knowing that everyone else in these dreams understands that we're going to die, but it's always such a peaceful dream for me to experience. a real sense of belonging and hope fills these dreams, and so im always happy to get them when i do.

i think today will be a good day.
5/6/23
i woke up from a "nightmare" today, though now that im awake i wouldnt really class it as such lol...

anyway, it consisted of being at a theme park on one of those boat rides y'know? the one that just rocks back and forward, with just the bar to keep you "strapped in"? yeah, i was on that... with xqc!!! i dont even like the man LOL. not once have i watched his streams, and at most i've only seen a clip or something on youtube. but he was there, sitting next to me on the ride, and the boat rocking getting higher... and higher... and higher, until eventually it got so high that i started tipping out my seat! xqc called me embarrassing like my bad bro, and then i just. fell. like the bar couldn't hold me any more and i tumbled out of the ride, falling to my death. i woke up as i was falling, you know the feeling, right? like i was so startled and jerked in my bed awake!